Deep into the Sand (unfinished prototype)
A downloadable Deep into the Sand for Windows, macOS, and Linux
this is my first Visual Novel project currently still unfinished.
made for the Furry Visual Novel Jam Novembear
a lone Warior is tasked to guard a the panda village in the middle of a desert.
you can buy some of the OST on Bandcamp
https://blossomingruin.bandcamp.com/album/deep-into-the-sand-ost-maxi-single
Download
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Comments
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hey hey i like the premi of this project and i like to l know more if not help
For a prototype build this VN has some intriguing world building ideas that left me curious to learn more about the setting and direction that the plot would take.
The current build is quite rough however, and suffers from a fair bit of copy editing issues in the form of typos and inconsistent capitalization. There’s also a certain awkwardness to the narration, which endeavours to pack in a lot of exposition about the setting while leaving more immediate details unstated. As an example, the narration goes into some detail about the origins of its post apocalyptic setting without clearly establishing how much time has passed since the collapse of the old civilization.
These issues aside, there are good foundations for a plot and setting here, and what art, sprites, and music are present in this early build all fit the narrative and game well. There’s lots of potential here.
good day, I am happy that you are pleased with the world building ideas. It was my main motivation to write this work. This is currently still my first work so I appreciate all feedback I can gather.
I somehow expected that not telling the timeframe things happened would give some more mysterious vibe to it, but now where I hear you, yeah it only is confusing with no clear gain. Thank you for pointing it out, I will also try my best to avoid this kind of holes in future expositions.
I am happy that you are pleased with the other assets provided in the game. you can get in the game file in the about page links to the artists bluesky accounts if you happen to be interested in their other art. As well as the Linktree link to my accounts on various sites (I am the composer of the music as well as programmer and writer).
Alright. I will try to be as objective as possible to help you improve as far for the future of your project.
1. Grammar: You need to polish it a lot. I have been noticing many deficiencies in this topic mostly due to the lack of capital letters and punctuation.
Another issue could be the colors of the character names. I think this may be due to the use of the blank text box, since the name of the characters can vaguely be displayed at least from my perspective. (I think in the the renpy launcher has the ability to change the GUI theme without creating a new project.)
2. The story: In part is okay but the execution is not very interesting, this may be due to the lack of sounds or possibly due to the lack of some sprites or scenarios that represent the narration of certain parts of the story.
3. The music: I don't have any negative points about it, in fact I think it goes well in each corresponding scenario. Because is one of the strongest points that the VN has that made me continue reading the entire story.
In itself it's not a bad VN but it can improve.
Is understandable since it is your first project but it's appreciated that you have published a fragment of what will be your future game.
Keep it up and don't get discouraged, I know you can improve for the next update!
Thank you for playing the game, I will definitely take your review to heart, and plan to rewrite in the finished first build some more of the current writing. (and of course we also will have more sprites and background art)